lolyupollfandomcom-20200214-history
Area 51 Battle
“''War...War never changes''” -Famous Speech Given by Kevin McCallister on that day September 20th, 2019, was an organized raid on a United States Air Force base intented to free the alien captives, steal rare relics kept inside the base, and discover it‘s secrets. The event was originally organized to “see them aliens” by the now legendary hero Matty Roberts known as “Savior of Earth, and Absolute Mad Lad”. The event was also notable because of how humanity was brought together for a single goal. Seniors, Boomers, Millenials, Gen Z people, and infants, all fought side by side in the Great War. The following is a complete Timeline of events that occurred. Area 51 Raid Complete Timeline The plan began with a Facebook public event invitation posted by Matty Robert. The plan took off from there, and 2 million people rallied to his cause. Many fake plans were posted around the internet to throw Federal government off the trail. Air Force Spokesperson Laura McAndrews gave a statement to The Washington Post on July 12, soon after the Facebook event by Roberts was created, and said the military was aware of the said raid. "51 is an open training range for the U.S. Air Force, and we would discourage anyone from trying to come into the area where we train American armed forces," McAndrews explained. "The U.S. Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets." Viewing this as an act of war, the meme community doubled it‘s artillery and stepped up with a better plan, a suicide mission. Neil DeGrasse Tyson calculated that the chances of success were 0.0001%. It would be a miracle if they pulled it off. The Meme Community and the U.S. Government stood ready, waiting for the fateful day. D-Day September 20th finally arrived. The U.S. Government had brought out all of it‘s weapons, vehicles, and scariest guards. They stood prepared for anything that would come their way. They were willing to die for their country. They had trained their entire lives for mission like this. It was not a drill. The soldiers stood, the sweat running down their face. Their eyes, darting from side to side looking for anything in the barren, desolate dunes covered in blinding sunlight. Every soldiers heart was racing, and they wondered what the future held. The cost of war. Why it mattered. Even if they had doubts, no solider expressed it, and each of them knew that this was for something greater than themselves. So they waited. And they waited. And they stood their post in the blazing heat and the searing winds. They stood for over 10 hours, waiting for something, anything. One of the soldiers on the right side spotted something. It looked like 9 people awkwardly standing about 5 Miles way from the base. Four white unmarked armed SUVs were deployed to the area to investigate. They came across socially awkward men standing around, waiting for the raid. One of them even had on a Naruto shirt. One man was filming. The soldiers realized that these guys were just goofing off, trying to be funny, so there was no need for detainment. They escorted the civilians outside the perimeter with only a warning. Outside, they were met with a woman named Karen, who had a “no nonsense haircut”, and was holding a white flag. She approached the soilders and asked to speak with the manager for “peaceful negotiations”. When the soilders refused, Karen began acting very hostile, and began yelling at the soilders, before storming off into the dunes. She yelled back at them “You had a chance for this to go peacefully, morons!” before disappearing over a hill. The soldiers then reported back to their superiors what they discovered, and what had happened. The higher ranks began to laugh. All of the memes, the threats, the Facebook posts. It was all for nothing. Nobody really took the stupid raid seriously. It was all for laughs. With this information, the higher ranks decided to begin calling the soldiers in for a well earned, and well deserved break with only minimal security. They even had some champagne ready to celebrate their victory and have a laugh at how ridiculous the whole situation was. The soldiers began trickling into the building, now getting kick out of the situation, laughing and joking with another. They were all so relieved and relaxed. The soldiers began sipping some champagne, talking and bantering back and forth. One solider joked about the live music they had playing, and how ridiculous it was. The soldiers were confused, there was no live music. All of the soldiers immediately went silent. The faint sound of upbeat music was coming from outside, and the soldiers were able to hear lyrics. Japanese lyrics to be precise. The Suprise Attack and First Wave A firsthand account of one of the surviving soldiers stationed outside while the others relaxed was taken many years later. He describes hismelf being happy that nothing actually occured, and that they had a victory over the enemy. He admits that he was thinking about his security shift being over. He wanted a taste of the champagne inside the air-conditioned building. All of the sudden, he began hearing strange music coming from the desert. When he looked to see where it was coming from, he saw something that gave him chills, and shook him to his very core. A massive dust cloud stood in the horizon. Along with the Japanese music, he described what sounded to him like “thousands of horses galloping together in unison”. The dust cloud began getting larger and larger. Before he could even report it to his superior, he saw what looked like ”ten-thousand people furiously running towards them, like thousands of ants.” It was the first wave of weebs. They were Naruto running towards Area 51 in ninja style formation. Each of them had on a Naruto headband, and an anime shirt ranging from My Hero Academia, ''to ''Your Lie in April, to ''Dragon Ball Z. ''The Naruto runners were using the ancient art of the ninjas to sprint so fast, the weapons that began firing upon them were useless. They were able to run in between bullets, and dodge missiles fired upon them. The anime music only strengthened them, and they were able to make it over the fence. Unfortunately, the fence was extremely electrified, and the first ones to reach it were instantly vaporized. This is where the Redstone engineers come in. Led by Mumbo Jumbo himself, the Minecraft redstone engineers were able to dig a tunnel under the base, and rewire the connections. They then sent out a Redstone pulse, using a Redstone repeater to repeatedly send a Redstone signal into the electric system. The strong signal crashed the sites power grid, and the fences lost all electric charge. The weebs began climbing the fences. This however, took a while, as watching ''Attack on Titan ''while eating ramen all day instead of excersising doesn't leave the body in the best of shape. As the weebs attempted to hop the fences, the Mad Max cars were deployed with the second wave, using the dust kicked up as a ”smoke screen” of sorts. The Second Wave The second wave consicited of another wave of weebs, neck beards, and furries. The second wave of weebs was different, however. This wave had 4 thousand weebs in full samuari armor. The neck beards carried katanas, and all drank Mountain Dew to stay hydrated and energized. The furries were there to drive the cars, and to be used as bait, if the time came. The problem was, they had not accounted for the land mines. There was an over 98% casualty rate of the second wave. Only 5 cars made it to the base. By this time, the military had realized what was going on. They went into chaos, and had let their guard down. They activated the emergency lockdown protocol, which sealed the main entrance. Once the entrance was sealed, the weebs needed a way in. The Redstone engineers were able to open the first door, but only by diverting power from the electric fence by taking all the Redstone and crafting a Redstone block. Using a Redstone block, they were able to open the door, but the fence became electrified again. One of the Mad Max cars knew what needed to be done. The neck beards, samurai weebs, and furries, in that squad made the desicion for the greater good. They held hands, and sang the ''Evangelion ''theme, as the weebs, neckbeards, and furries all had in common that they loved anime. They kamikazed the Mad Max car into the fence, blowing it up in the process. This created a hole in the fence, which the remaning four cars were able to enter. By this time, the U.S. military emerged from the base with advanced laser guns. The weebs were forced to constantly keep moving. The four trucks of furries, samurai weebs, and neck beard, were forced to drive around and avoid the army vehicles that began opening fire and gave chase. The U.S. army seemed to be gaining the upper hand. One of the neck beards yelled “reeeeeeeeeee”, and the third wave recieved their cue. The Third Wave The U.S. Military was taking out weebs by the second. The weebs began to dwindle in numbers. Suddenly, the U.S. army stopped in there tracks. The sound of 3.k Monster Energy drinks opening in unison. The third wave, made up of Kyle’s all chugged an entire Monster in less than 3 seconds, giving them a powerful buff, and turning the men into berserkers. The Kyle’s wore a Monster hat, and San Antonio Spurs shirt, camo shorts (rendering their legs invisible), and socks with sandals for armor. The men began charging towards the base. They poured in through the hole in the fence. They then began punching the second door made of steel. The other Kyle’s overpowered the army, and trampled them in the ensuing chaos. The Kyle’s were able to punch through the second door, but the guards on the other side had